Kingdom Hearts: deleted scenes
by ShadowgoddessFFU
Summary: Made up scenes that are too "bad" for Disney's goody tooshoeness!
1. Default Chapter

(Opening scene) Sora: I've been having these weird thoughts lately. Like why I haven't reached puberty, and why the hell Riku jerks himself when I'm over at his house. Like come on! Even if I'm a guy I don't want to see that crazy shit! (floats down and appears on the beach)

Sora: Man, this is some fucked up dream!

Riku: Hey, over here! (tidal wave comes towards Riku)

Sora: Oh shit! Riku, get out of the fucking water! (Riku holds out hand, Sora comes running)

Sora: Ah! the water! Huh? what's that? (Wakka comes swiming up)

Wakka: blurp, What's happen'n, man? blurp (Riku punches Wakka, holds out hand to Sora)

Sora: Wait, I'm not going to grab his hand! He's been jerking himself! EWWWW! (Sora floats up, shakes his head, sees Kairi)

Kairi: Sora! Guess what!

Sora: What? Kairi: I'm so horny, and I want you to bang me! (Porn music plays and the lights dim, loud groans)

Kairi: Hey what's that thing thats coming from the sky? Sora: Wait, I looks like meh! (Sora falls backward)

Sora: AHHHH! huff, huff, AHHHHH!

Kairi: No! my hot little man biscut! (Sora hits water, floats down and lands on the Snow White thingy)

Sora: WTF? Birds?

Some voice: Sora, can you hear me?

Sora: OMG! Are you that cell phone guy?

Some voice: No dammit! I'm a mystical disembodied voice, dumbass! Sora: What a bitch!

Some voice: Ok, anyway, Can you walk forward, can you do it?

Sora: Jeez, I'm that stupid! (walks forward, slips on a random bannana) Sora: Oh shit! I twisted my ankle!

Some voice: Ok, get up and choose your fucking weapon!

Sora: I choose the power of warrior, and give up Mystic!

Some voice: Your fucking path has been choosen! Hurry up so I can get the hell outta here! To be contiuned!


	2. Part one: second part

(Dive into the Heart)

Some voice: Well, there are times that you hafta fight (Heartless shadow pops up)

Sora: What the hell is that!

Some voice: sigh Just kick it's ass and get it over with! (Sora hits it, dies, little green balls fly out)

Sora: Hey, where's the blood spirt?

Some voice: Oh, kinda forgot about that... (Blood explodes everywhere) Sora: Now that's what I'm talk'n about! (Sees door, opens it, and is on Destiny Island)

Some voice: Just answer the fucking questions so I can find more info about your dull life!

Sora: Hey! It's Wakka! I thought Riku punched you?

Wakka: Um, that was my clone, man. Sora: Wow! How could you find that kind of medical research?

Wakka: Just listen to meh! Wakka: So, whada you want outta life? Sora: Hmm, maybe to be a hero, get betrayed, save someone's life, then die, then be brought back by the same person that I saved!

Wakka: Um, go away! (Sora walks over to Tidus)

Tidus: Hey Sora, what are you afraid of?

Sora: Guys with silver hair, dark skin, rulers of darkness, and their name starts with an A.

Tidus: ...

Sora: Hey, it's Selphie!

Selphie: Sora, what do you treasure the most?

Sora: My Baggy pants! Whoot!

Selphie: Thank You!

Some voice: Well, It seems that your adventure is gonna start in pure chaos! Its gonna be so hard that God is going to laugh in your face and say how pathedic you are!

Sora: God Dammit!

Some voice: Ok, see those glass stairs? Go up them. (Sora runs up stairs) Some voice: Yeah! your close to the light just... (Darkside rises up)

Some voice: Wait, that wasn't suppose to happen!

Some voice: In times like this what would I say! Oh yeah! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!

Sora: Hey! where are you going!

Some voice: Hope we met again, in hell! Sora: You bastard! You just leave meh here with this, THING!

Sora: Gotta hack this thing to peices! (Five hours later)

Sora: What the fuck? This is a dream, I'm giving up!

Some voice: I'm back!

Sora: Ahhhh! What's this dark shit on me!

Some voice: Remember Sora, you have the mightiest weapon of all, Its...Oh shit.

Some voice: Dammit, I was cut off! What was that shit? End of Part one.


	3. Part 3

(Sora wakes up, is greeted by Kairi)

Sora: Ah! I'm alive!

Kairi: Hey Sora, were you just "flogging the old bishop"!

Sora: What is wrong with you woman! Couldn't you see I was having a nightmare!

Sora: You know what! I just have this random question that I have to ask you!

Kairi: So what is it!

Sora: So, what was your hometown like, you know, where you grew up?

Kairi: Dammit! How many times have I told you I don't remember! Sora: Well maybe we should take that piece of shit raft and go find it!

Sora: Along with all the other fucked up worlds out there! I wanna see em' all!

Kairi: Well, what the hell are we waiting for!

Riku: Hey, aren't you forgetting about me!

Sora: Oppsey!

Riku: And you also didn't say anything about me, Kairi!

Kairi: So you finally noticed!

Kairi: Let's build it now! I'll race ya!

Riku: Are you fucking kidding meh!

Kairi: GO, RUN LIKE THE WIND! (Riku and Sora run)

(Sora starts to gather supplies)

Sora: Hmm, two logs, one rope, and one cloth.

Wakka: What's happen'n, man?

Sora: Do you know were the rope is?

Wakka: In your pants, ya?

Sora: No! A rope to tie things?

Wakka: Oh, it's by Tidus!

(Sora walks up to Tidus)

Tidus: Hey Sora, felling lucky today?

Sora: yup!

(Sora steps on loose board and flies into the ocean)

Tidus: Guess not.

Sora: So, now I got the rope, next, one cloth!

(Climbs up to tree house, Sora hears a loud noise)

Selphine: SUPRISE! WEEEEEEE!

Sora: AHHHHHH!

(Sora grabs cloth, bumps into flimsy railing, and falls into tree) Sora: Ok, I got the cloth, and one log, now I need one more log) Riku: Hey, Sora! Here's a log!

Sora: Thankies Riku!

Kairi: Wow that was fast! Um, Sora, your head is bleeding!

Sora: What!

(Sora looks at blood trickle down his face, and pulls out a huge splinter from his head)

Sora: Damn, It must have been when Selphine scared the shit out of meh and knocked me into that tree

Selphine: SOMEONE CALL MEH!

Sora: AHHHH!

(Runs and hits tree) (Coconuts fall and hits Riku in the crouch)

Kairi: Look, Riku is in the fetal position!

Riku: Riku junior, are you all right?

Kairi and Selphine: So that's what he calls it!

Sora: (Running around, screaming)

Kairi: Sora, calm down!

Sora: (Still running, screaming)

Selphine: Hey, look out for that tree!

Sora: (Hits trees like pinball, knocks coconuts off the trees, hits Riku on head)

Riku: OWWWWWWW! Sora: (unconscious) Kairi: Ok, let's call it a day! (Next time, Part Three)


	4. Part 4

(Sunset on destiny islands)

Sora: So Kairi's home is somewhere out there, right?

Riku: How the hell should I know! I'll just say it's out there to move the plot along.

Kairi: Yup, that'll be a good idea, plots are important in RPG's

(Riku looks at Japanese guy writing the story)

Japanese guy: SHIT! I messed up again (smashes up paper)

Japanese guy: Let's see if I can make it in the trashcan!

(Doesn't make it)

Japanese guy: I have failed at life!

Riku: um, if this doesn't work we'll think of something else.

Kairi: So, suppose you get to another world. He he, what will you do there?

Riku:I have no idea, but you look mighty hot right now!

(Kairi and Riku talking, Sora is thinking)

(Sora: Who the hell does this bastard think he is! He knows that I like Kairi too. Tonight I'm soooo gonna kick his sorry little ass!)

Sora: Well I think Kairi looks ultra sexy!

(Sora talks to Kairi, Riku is thinking)

(Riku: Who the hell does this bastard think he is! He knows I like Kairi too. Tonight I'm soooo gonna kick his sorry little ass!)

Kairi: Let's go home and get some rest!

(Riku and Sora walk on the bridge)

Riku: Hey, Sora! (Throws paopu fruit)

Sora: This is a paopu fruit you foo!

Riku: And we pity the foos!

Sora: Ok, let's cut the Mr. T crap. Why did you give this to meh! Riku: You wanted one didn't you!

Sora: I'm sorry, but I'm not intrested.

Riku: wadda mean?

Sora: I'm not going to sleep with you, besides my head is killing me. Riku: I don't want to sleep with you! You want to share a paopu with Kairi!

Sora: OMG! You can read minds!

Riku: I do too!

Sora and Riku: Let's fight for Kairi!

Riku: Ok, meet me on the island, 12:00 tonight

Sora: You're on! (Sora and riku shake hands and think)

(Sora: Look at that stupid noob. Think he can beat me? Hah! what a pansy.

(Riku: Look at that stupid noob. Think he can beat me? Hah! what a pansy. )

NEXT TIME! PART FOUR! WHO WILL WIN THE SHOWDOWN OF DESTINY ISLANDS! AND COLLECTING RAFT SUPPIES PART TWO WHAT CHAOS WILL START NOW! WILL KAZE FROM FINAL FANTASY UNLIMTED COME? JUST WAIT! IT'LL BE GREAT, DAMMIT!


	5. Part 5

Wakka's party, part one

(Sora, Riku, and Kairi walk up to Wakka's front door)

Sora: WHOOT! THIS PARTY GONNA ROCK!

Riku: Then YOU ring the doorbell

Sora: Why meh? You do it! 

Kairi: I'll just ring it!

(Ding-dong)

Wakka: Welcome to my party ya

(All walk in, greeted by Tidus, Selphine, and WTF? Cloud and Sephy?

Sora: Who are those guys?

Wakka: Some guys I picked up at a gay bar.

Cloud: IT WAS NOT A GAY BAR, IT WAS A STRIP JOINT!

Wakka: Sorry man ;

Sephy: Are there weapons allowed at this party, cause I have my sword and it's really long, its not like I'm covering up the fact that I have a sma……cough

Everyone: Small what?

Sephy: Forget that last comment.

Sora: Let's play some music! I brought some music!

(Sora puts in music, plays "Toxic")

Selphine and Kairi: I LOVE THIS SONG

Sora: I KNOW!

Riku: Turn this shit off!

(Riku puts his CD in, plays "Hey Ya"

Everyone: ewww! Outcast (I personally hate Outcast)

Selpine: Hey! I think I'll put this in!

(Puts in CD, plays techno-trance song called "Romancing Train" (I love it)

Everyone: Hey, my body is moving! I can't stop dancing!

Selpine: TRANCE AND TECHNO WEEEE!

(beep beep beep, sound from the oven)

Wakka: Oh! The brownies are ready!

Everyone: BROWNIES!

Sora: Dig in!

Tidus: Hey Wakka! These brownies are the bomb!

Riku: Is it just me or do these brownies have a funny taste.

Sora: Its just some Jamaican herb. What's the secret!

Wakka: Sorry man, can't tell you! It is a Jamaican recipe passed down for generations.

(10 MINUTES LATER)

Riku: WHOOT! I'M RUNING IN MY BOXERS! XD

Selpine: COLORS! LOTS OF COLORS!

Sora: HAMMER TIME!

(Sora jumps on table and breaks it in half)

Wakka: I found my parents pot stash!

Tidus: HAND SOME OVER!

Kairi: I FOUND THE WINE!

Next time! WAKKA'S PARTY: PART TWO!


	6. Part 6

Note: Sorry I didn't write for a while! So many things to do so little time!

Wakka's party part 2

(glass is breaking everywhere as a smoky haze fills up the room from the pot)

Wakka: Ah, home grown dubies!

Tidus: What we gonna do now?

(passes joint to Riku)

Riku: I got more people to come.

Sora: Meh too! (coughs after inhaling pot)

Kairi: Me three (passes bong to Cloud)

(Ding dong)

Wakka: ah… more people (stumbles towards door)

Squall: LET US THE FUCK IN!

(Yuffie, Cid, Squall, Aeris, Vincent, Reno, Barret, Tifa, Seifer, Riona, Zell, Irvine, Laguna, and Rufus come piling in)

Cid: Where's the booze! (opens many doors pulling out random dishes and pots)

(Vincent walks into pot cloud and goes crazy)

Vincent: AH! GET IT OFF ME! (runs around pushing people and rolling on the floor)

(group of mindless stoners watch him)

Cid: GODDAMIT WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?

Vincent: YOU CAN SEE ALL THE SPIDERS! THEY GOT INTO MY CLOTHING!

(Vincent starts ripping off clothes, group of woman on lookers go nuts)

Selphie: OMG! DID WAKKA HIRE A STRIPPER!

(Vincent shakes invisible spider of this naked butt)

Kairi and other girls: YEEEEE! IT IS! WHERE'S OUR MONEY?

Vincent: Why are you throwing money at me?

(loud yelling is heard outside, the front door come crashing down)

Kaze: ARHG! YOU KILLED MY SISTER!

Makenshi: NO I DIDN'T! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

Lisa: Not here! Ah, is this the big party I heard about?

(Guys all drool over the woman dressed in the orange body suit)

Lu: MR. KAAAZZZZEEEE!

(Kaze gets sick look on face)

Madoushi: I brought more beer!

Cid: Eh, thanks girly man!

Sora: Eh, how many people did you invite Riku?

(Riku on floor, twitching)

Riku: Man, I want to put my hand on you're sexy ass and squeeze!

(Sora jumps in air and hits ceiling)

(muffled) Sora: But we're two guys and you know and yeah that's it

Tidus: TTTTTTWWWWWIIIIISSSTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEERRRRR!

(lays down Twister mat and gathers everyone round)

(Cid and Reno get on the mat)

Tidus: Right foot blue.

(Tidus gets idea to make them get in "naughty" positions)

Tidus: Left hand green!

(Cid gets closer to Reno)

Cid: What the FUCK!

(Tidus continues to shout out colors)

Reno: God, I'm drunk.

Cid: You look sexy right now….ah Mr. Eh someone.

(Cid and Reno start making out)

Sora: AH GOD!

(Sora barfs on Riku)

Riku: SICK ARGH!

(Riku barfs on Cloud)

Cloud: I'm gonna….

(Cloud barfs on Sephy)

Sephy: EWWWW!

(barfs on Vincent)

Vincent: Futile vomit of DOOM!

(barfs blood, hits Kaze)

Kaze: AAAHHHHHHHH MY EYES! MY PRETTY LITTLE EYES!

(Kaze runs into Makenshi, Makenshi's sword flies out the window)

Kaze: ah, okies!

Tidus: I HAVE THE BEST IDEA EVER! X3

Everyone: YYEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!

Tidus: LET'S FORM AN ORGY RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!

Everyone: FUCK YEAH!

Sora: HEAHA KAIRI….(burp) LET'S GO TO MY ROOM! CHEESE!

Kairi: I WOULD LOVE TOO…AH, WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?

Ansem: I would never (SUBMIT!) miss an orgy in my life time! (DARKNESS TRUE DARKNESS!) twitch

Everyone: COME ON IN!

Ansem: YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE! (darkness!)

(Jenova comes in)

Sephy: MOTHER! I SWEAR I! DON'T DO IT!

(Jenova blab pulls Sephy by ear)

Sephy: YOUR HURTING ME MOMMY! SORRY GUYS! GOT TO GO!

(Orgy piles up)

Next time! THE AFTERMATH!


	7. Aftermath

Aftermath…XD

(Sun shines through window and hits Riku on face.)

Riku: Argh! (puts hand on head) Why does my head hurt?

(Riku notices he has trouble breathing)

Riku: It's so friggen hot in here……wait a minute….

(Riku is on the bottom of the orgy pile)

Riku: Oh God….(pulls himself out)

Riku: HEY GUYS! GET UP!

(everyone is startled and stumble out of the pile while tripping over other people)

Reno: Get for foot out of my face!

Tifa: Jeez, sorry!

Ansem: THAT WAS AWESOME (twitch) DARKNESS HA HA HA HA! (hands in air)

Makenshi: Besides getting severely butt rapped, it was pretty fun.

Kaze: Yeah, IF SOMEBODY DIDN'T BRING IS HUGE ASS SWORD INTO THE PILE! (looks at Sephiroth)

Sephiroth: What? I thought it would make things more exciting.

Cid: Girly man was pretty fun to play around with! (looks at Madoushi)

Madoushi: I HAD SEX WITH AN OLD GUY! OH GOD! (gets into ball and cry)

Squall: Vincent had all the woman in that one corner!

Riku: Hey! I was in that corner!

(Yuffie walks out and trips over Wakka)

Wakka: Ah….nothing like a dubie in the morning….

(Wakka on floor, smoking)

Riku: Have any of you seen Sora and Kairi?

Tidus: They said something but I was too high to remember.

(Riku starts checking rooms till he comes to the guest room)

Riku: Oh God….

(Sora was chained to the bed, naked. Kairi and Lisa were laying next to him)

Riku: What the hell happened in here!

(candles were lit everywhere, alchemy circles were on the ceiling, there was a huge stone Buddha in there, somebody took a shit on the floor, the window was broken)

Sora: (weak voice) Help me…..

Riku: What did they do to you? (puts Sora's head up to his body)

Sora: First they had amazing sex with me, which I liked, then…(ready to cry)

Sora: THEY CHAINED ME TO THE BED AND DID THIS WEIRD SHIT!

Riku: I can see! (Looks at pentagram drawn on the wall)

Sora: Forget about that! The sex was amazing! (smiles)

(Front doors open and Wakka's parents come in)

Wakka's Mom: OH MY GOD! WAKKA! GET OVER HERE NOW!

Wakka's Dad: YOU! YYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!

(Wakka gets in protective ball)

Wakka's Mom: I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! (hugs Wakka)

Wakka's Dad: You have had your first party! I can see it was successful!

Wakka: YES!

(Everyone piles out of Wakka's house)

Sora: This was the best party ever!

Riku: Yeah, this party was really fun!

Kairi: Thanks for the free pot! (waves)

(Sora, Riku, and Kairi under Papou tree)

Kairi: Tomorrow's the day that we set sail!

Sora: Hopefully Riku knows what he's doing!

Riku: Of course! (twiddles thumbs and starts to panic)

Sora: Let's go home! (wanders off to secret place)

(Sora wanders around looking at pictures and gets a flashback)

Kairi: Let's draw our faces on the wall!

Sora: That's fucking gay..I MEAN GOOD IDEA!

Kairi: I finished yours!

(Looks over at Sora's drawing.)

Kairi: (He made me look ugly)

END OF FLASHBACK

(Sora starts drawing in something)

Sora: SHIT! IT LOOKS LIKE A STAR! NOT A SANDWICH!

Unknown man: Tied to the darkness…..

(Sora turns around)

Sora: Who's there!

Unknown man: Soon to be completely eclipsed….

Sora: You mean this world! It's gonna be destroyed!

Unknown Man: EH! How did you know! Anyway…

Unknown Man: You understand so little…

Unknown Man: Those who know nothing can't understand nothing…

Sora: OMG! That is so true!

Unknown Man: What the FUCK is wrong with you! You're supposed to get freaked out and not understand any of this! Isn't that what the scripts said?

Sora: Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down. Do you want me to get you a stuffed animal to hold?

Unknown Man: NO, NO, NO! I DON'T! (Walks out of cave) I FUCKING HATE YOU!

Sora: GOD! What a bastard! (leaves cave and rows home)

NEXT TIME: THE ISLAND IS DESTORYED! WHAT THE HELL IS SORA GOING TO DO!


	8. Note to my lovely readers

Note to my lovely readers:

This Saturday, I'm going to summer camp, for two weeks. Yes, there is computer access, but do you think I could possibly write a story of such "maturity" in a place where adults are all over the place. No. What about after? Right from summer camp, I'm going to a cabin in the middle of nowhere, WITHOUT a computer, FOR SIX WEEKS.

How do you think I'll get my story to you guys? I can't. So I will write so much that when I come back, you'll be overwhelmed with KH goodness.


	9. part 8

Note: Wow! I actually got to a computer! It's slow as hell though. Enjoy this next chapter!

Part eight: The day that was never in the script and the island is destroyed! DUN DUN DA!

(Sora wakes from his bed and looks at the window at the sunrise)

Sora: Ahhhhhhh! What a great morning!

(Gets out of bed and trips on box of condoms. The condoms fly everywhere)

Sora: GODDAMMIT! ARGH! (kicks box into wall, box explodes)

Sora: OH NO! THE TERRORITS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME!

Sora: Wait a second….

(Looks at half-way burnt box to see it says "Her pleasure exploding condoms")

Sora: Now I get it! Ohhhhh!

(Gives thumbs up to the Trojan Man guy who just recently jumped through the window)

(Walks downstairs and raids cabinet)

Sora: There are certain things I must do before completing my day!

(Gets thing of "I can't believe it's not butter" and tastes it)

Sora: How do they do that! It's not butter but it tastes like it!

Sora's Mom: Honey, do you have to do that every morning?

Sora: aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. Yes…..

(Before Sora's Mom could answer, Sora was out of the house)

Sora: Row, row, row your boat gently on the sssseeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!

(bumps into dock and jumps off)

Sora: HEY RIKU! HEY! (waves to airborne object in sky)

Riku: Hey Sora! (hang gliding)

Sora: I wanna hang glide too!

Riku: Well here you go! (throws hang glider thing from the sky)

Sora YAY! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!

(Sora squints his eyes at a nearby object)

Sora: What the hell is that thing?

Riku: I don't know! What the hell is it?

Sora: I don't know! what the hell is that thing?

Riku: I don't know! What the hell is it? WHAT the hell is that thing?

(Object gets up to them, and they realize its Kairi hang gliding too)

Kairi: Hey guys!

(Sora is about to crash into Kairi, everything goes slow motion)

Sora: NO KAIRI GET OUT OF THE WAY!

Kairi: WHAT? YOU AND RIKU ARE GAY?

Sora: NO KAIRI GET OUT OF THE WAY!

(Sora and Kairi crash and fall from the sky and hit ground)

Sora: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! GOD I BROKE MY LEG! AAAHHHHH!

Riku: You only fell like three feet, you didn't break your leg.

Sora: STOP JOKING AROUND! MY LEG IS BROKEN!

(Kairi looks at it)

Kairi: Riku's right, you only got a tiny bump.

Sora: KAIRI, NO! STOP IT! YOU LIEING BITCH!

(Sora gets up and he stops crying)

Sora: OMG! IT'S A MIRACLE! DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU?

Kairi: There was no miracle , you didn't ever break your leg in the first place.

Sora: GASP!

Riku: --

Sora: 00

Kairi:

Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAZHAHAHAHAH!

(At sunset)

Riku: Hey guys, I got to go home and jerk off! See ya tomorrow early to go on the raft!

Sora and Kairi: BYE!

(Sora and Kairi sit on dock watching sunset)

Kairi: Did you see Riku today! He flashed a flock of seagulls after you broke your leg and it got better again!

Sora: No! He also did something before that!

Kairi: WHAT GASP!

(Sora giggles)

Sora: X3 He humped a pine tree!

Kairi: You mean the only pine tree on the island?

Sora: Yes! That one! X3

Kairi: Sora….Riku has really changed.

Sora: Wad you mean?

Kairi: All that pot and sex has got to his head. He used to be so much funnier before that…..

Sora: DUDE! You don't think humping a pine tree is funny?

Kairi: Remember the time he put a gay porn magazine under Wakka's pillow and his mom found it?

Sora: Yeah, I guess your right, placing a gay porn magazine under a guy's pillow is more original.

Kairi: Sora, don't ever lose your funny. I like you just the way you are now.

(Long pause)

Sora: Remember the time Riku and I made that porn video of use having butt sex?

(Kairi's mouth hangs open)

Sora: Shit…..I forgot to tell you.

Kairi: Let's go.

(Sora gets back home and falls asleep, wakes up ten minutes later)

(looks at toy boat with Kairi and Sora dolls in it, gets flash back)

(Kairi: Sora….don't ever lose your funny, I like you just the way you are now)

(Kairi: Hey Sora, let's smoke pot! Sora shakes head and looks out window at the dark sky)

Sora: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! A STORM! SHIT THE FUCKING RAFT!

(Gets onto island and sees Riku and Kairi's boat)

Sora: NO! RIKU MUST HAVE TOLD KAIRI THE PORN TAPE WE MADE WAS IN THE SECRET PLACE!

(Shadow heartless appears)

Sora: No, I can't be….(gets wooden sword out and hits one on the head)

Sora: FUCK! It's not doing anything.

(Runs around looking for Riku and Kairi, comes up to Riku)

Riku: Sora, the door has opened…..

Sora: WHAT THE FUCK! I THOUGHT KAIRI WAS WITH YOU!

Riku: We might not be able to get back….I'm not afraid of the darkness.

(tears come to Sora's eyes)

Sora: Riku, you got over your fear of the dark!

(Riku holds out hand)

Sora: Ok, you want to shake my hand, is that it?

Sora: WTF? I CAN'T REEAAAAAAAACHHH!

(Everything goes black, then there's a blast of light)

Some voice: Can you hear me? (taps on microphone) Is this thing on?

Sora: Is that you Some voice?

Some voice: Yes, yes. Here take this. (Keyblade appears in Sora's hand)

Sora: What is this?(Looks at keyblade)

Some voice: It's your fucking weapon! Use it for fucks sake! Hit the bad guys with it!

Sora: OOOOOOOHHHHHHH! Thankies Some voice!

Some voice: Yeah, yeah. I'm vacation right now, so be thankful that I got this for you! Bai Bai!

(Sora runs into secret place)

Sora: Kairi!

(Kairi turns around with glazed expression with Sora and Riku's tape in hand)

Kairi: Sora…..(reaches out to him, blast of air flings Kairi towards Sora as he tries to grab her)

Sora: WTF! Where did she go? (Sora is blasted back into the air)

(Kairi: I'm in your head! Hey….HEY!)

(Little Kairi is walking in Sora's head)

(Kairi: How can I get his attention? I've got it!)

Sora: AH! Why are you getting a boner Sora?

(Sora is lying on ground looking up at the swirling stuff)

Sora: OMFG!

To be continued

NEXT TIME! PART NINE: THE OVER WORKED HEARTLESS!


	10. Part 9: Night in Traverse Town

Sora: OH MY GOD!

(darkside is sitting in reclining chair, sipping a cup of tea)

Darkside: Oh! (sets cup of tea on table)

(piece of plywood hits darkside in the head)

Darkside: Oh fuck my cock!

(Sora's lips fly back from the swirling vortex)

Sora: Man! Kick ass virtual reality!

Darkside: No! nonoooonoo! This is real! See! (throws rock off edge, flies back and hits him in the eye)

Darkside: ARGH! DANM MACHINE! (kicks really big fan over)

Sora: Shouldn't you unplug it first?

(fan blades start flinging sand in Darkside's face)

Darkside: sniff…..WAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sora: Hey, hey, hey. You need I hug?

Darkside: No dammit! I'm so overworked! I'm such a klutz. I missed the rent. (digs hands into face)

Darkside: If I don't do this job, I'll get fired!

Sora: Hey. How about I let you do your job! I'll help!

Darkside: Really?

Sora: Really! Sprinkled with gold and candy!

(Sora plays along and hits darkside with keyblade)

Darkside: Here it comes! (punches ground)

Sora: WHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(whole montage scene starts. Happy frolic music plays. Sora and Darkside walk in the park. Sora runs up to an ice cream stand. They run and a laugh with ice cream smashed on their faces. Darkside steps on a bird and starts crying. Then Sora points the keyblade at it. Little green stars and bells form over bird. It flies away into the sky. They walk into an adult store and come out all giggly with nothing bought. Sora sneaks in the forest with a paint ball gun. A shot was fired and a spot of paint appeared on Sora's shirt. He looks around corner to see Darkside chasing Dick Cheney. Sora lets out a cheesy laugh and Darkside puts his finger to his lips like he did something wrong. The whole seen fades with them gasping for air after drinking six Red Bulls.)

Sora: Whohhhh! What a DAY!

Darkside: Yeah…

(Darkside turns the fan to the highest setting)

Sora: Whoah! I'm being sucked up!

(goes black)

(Shows Traverse Town, gummi ship is parked in the handicap spot)

Policeman: You little bastards! Heh…I'm gonna tow you!

(just as the cop put the yellow ticket on the ship, a rusty car blasting rap music drove by and shot him.)

Cid: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DON'T SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND DRINK MY GODDAMN TEA!

Goofy: Oh no! Cid has gone crazy without his cigs!

Donald: The local store ran out of toothpicks for Cid to bite on.

Pluto: arrreggeaekrtjaowejtfalkjfoawjrf!

(Pluto runs into ally and licks Sora's face)

Sora: Ah…..Riku….Stop it….Kairi…stop both of you…yes I know I like three somes.

(Sora wakes up to see Pluto)

Sora: Shit! I can't walk around with this boner! (punches groin)

(Sora walks away)

Sora: Dear God! Where am I? Aspen? (looks at sign) Traverse Town….hmmm.

(Sora walks into Cid's shop)

Cid: KID!

(Cid grabs Sora's shoulders)

Cid: DO YOU HAVE ANY CIGS? I'LL MELLOW OUT IF I DON'T HAVE THEM!

Sora: I have some left over pot if that's all right…

(Cid grabs pot)

Cid: Sweet Jesus kid! Thank ya! (Inhales inhumanly amounts of pot)

Sora: Do I look like a Kid?

Cid: Well the big yellow boots and that Pokemon card in hanging out of your pocket kinda sums it up,

Sora: HEY! POKEMON WAS A MEMORY FROM MY CHILDHOOD GRAMPS!

Cid: ARGH! YOU LITTLE FUCKER! DON'T CALL ME GRAMPS OUR I'LL SLAM THIS BOTTLE OF BEER OVER YER HEAD!

(Sora runs away, then opens the door to the second district)

Sora: Hey! Mister! Guy that looks like a young George Washington!

(heartless takes his heart)

Sora: NNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY? WHY DID YOU KILL GEORGE WASHINGTON!

(takes out keyblade and kills heartless)

Sora: I guess I should go to that hotel for the night…

(walks in)

Sora: How much is a room?

Hotel person: 300 munny

Sora: WTF IS MUNNY?

Hotel person: Um, it's our currency. Didn't you know that?

Sora: I'M NOT FROM HERE! WAHAHH!

(runs away)

Sora: I need to find a place to stay….

(Man walks up from behind him)

Sora: Who are you?

Leon: I'm Squa…I mean Leon! Shit, I really need to remember that….

Leon: Anyway, hand me your keyblade

Sora: EWWW! NO! DON'T TOUCH MY PENIS!

Leon: What? I mean the keyblade you hold in your hands.

Sora: Hey! I'm not going to discuss how a jerk myself off to you!

(Leon puts hand on face and sighs)

Leon: Ok, see that thing with the long sliver shaft and the golden handle in your hand now? It's called the keyblade and I need it.

Sora: Sorry but I'm not interested in sleeping with you and my penis is not silver and has a golden handle.

Leon: That's it! (attacks and knocks out Sora)

Yuffie: That kid really is paranoid….right

(looks at Leon touching Sora's groin)

Yuffie: SQUA…I MEAN LEON!

Leon: WHY! WHY IS HE BIGGER THAN ME!

(puts head to the sky)

Leon: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Sora wakes up to see Kairi)

Sora: Kai…Kairi?

(Sees that she is sitting on bed.)

Sora: (YES! STRUCK GOLD)

Yuffie: Kairi? I'm not Kairi. I'm Yuffie.

(flashes from Kairi to Yuffie)

Sora: AH! NOOOOO!

Yuffie: You really over did it Squall. SHIT!

Leon: THAT'S LEON! BITCH!

NEXT TIME: NIGHT IN TRAVERSE TOWN PART 2!


	11. Night in Traverse Town part two!

(Sora walks around)

Sora: AGRH! I WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH KAIRI!

Leon: Beggars can't be choosers

Sora: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!

Leon: Your keyblade! WHILE I HAVE MY GUNSWORD YOU HAVE YOUR LARGE SEXY KEYBLADE, WITH A…..long, round shaft and dangling key chain….and smoothed surface that's so nice to give a rub. BUT MINES ALL SHORT AND UNPLEASING TO STROKE! WHY! WHHHHYYYYYYY?

Yuffie: Your's isn't that bad! Really, even if Sora's is long and ready to go….(drools)

Leon: ARGH! YUFFIE! NOOOOOO! YOUR FALLING INTO THE CHAOS OF THE KEYBLADE! (jumps out of hotel window and runs on street, knocking over trashcans and screaming.) CHAOS! CHHHAOOOOOOOSSSSSSS!

(short time later)

Yuffie: It's a good thing I found Leon's Zoloft. He forgot to take it this morning and his whole day turned to shit.

Leon: (serious voice) You are the keyblade master. Chosen to lock the key wholes and save the worlds from the heartless!

Sora: Wow. Leon's a totally different person! Why's he taking Zoloft?

Yuffie: He has multiple personalities disorder and he's paranoid. That sums it up.

Sora: OH! Is that why he calls himself Leon but his real name is Squ…

Yuffie: NO! DON'T SAY IT!

Sora: I mean S.Q.U.A.L.L!

Yuffie: Good….(sighs)

(next room)

Donald: A keyblade?

Aeris: Yes….

Goofy: What's that all that yelling in the room next to us?

Aeris: Yuffie, Leon, and someone else are most likely having an orgy again….

(Donald runs in)

Donald: HEY! KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!

(Sees Sora and keyblade spinning on the ceiling fan as Leon chugs a keg of beer and Yuffie sniffs lines of smashed materia)

Donald: WTF IS GOING ON HERE?

Sora: WHOA! WHHHHOAAAAAAA! LEON! I SEE MAGIC RAINBOWS ON THE CEILING! LET'S SMASH SHIT AND MAKE HOLES IN THE WALLS! (Flies down on bed) HEY YUFFIE SAVE SOME FOR MEEEEEEEE!

(keyblade spins on fan)

Donald: Just keep it down in here! (leaves)

Goofy: What's going on?

Donald: Ah, some prepubescent boy was on the ceiling fan while a guy was drinking a keg of beer and a girl was sniffing materia! ARGH! KIDS THESE DAYS!

Aeris: Anyway, about the Ansem reports…

(later that night, party still continues. The hotel room is trashed. Some Indian guy comes in.)

Indian guy: (strong accent) Ah! What da hell do you to my hotel! Go! Get da fuck outta here!

(Indian guy shoos them out with an umbrella)

Leon: LOOK! THE HEARTLESS! WE GOTTA DESTORY THE BOSS! LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (frolics and skips while killing heartless on the side)

(Sora runs into third district)

Sora: LEON! I FOUND A BEER STORE THAT'S OPEN 24/7! HELLO?

(Donald and Goofy fall from sky on top of Sora)

Sora: AHHHHH! THIS MUST ME THE BAD SIDE OF TOWN! I'LL GET SHOT AND GANGED RAPED BY MEN WITH HUGE DICKS! NNOOOOOOOOO!

(Guard Amor falls from sky)

Sora: Ah! WTF!

Donald: THE KEY BEARER!

Goofy: FIGHT WITH US FOR ETERNAL GLORY! WHHHHEEEEEEE!

(Sora hits it overhead)

Guard Amor: OWWW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR YOU BASTARD? I CAN FILE A COMPLAINT YOU KNOW?

Sora: But you're a heartless and the have no rights!

Guard Amor: (Pulls out book) RIGHT HERE! LAW 5627: "HEARTLESS HAVE THE RIGHT TO FILE A COMPLAINT AND PROTEST FOR THEIR RIGHTS UNDER THE TETSUYA NOMURA KINGDOM HEARTS LAW BOOK!

Sora: Who's Tetsuya Nomura?

(Guard Amor slams fist into his own face in anger and kills himself. Heart goes flying in air)

Sora: YAY! WE DID IT!

Donald: I'm Donald Duck

Goofy: And I'm Goofy

Sora: I'm Sora and I like to PARTE! (numa numa plays in background as balloons fall from the sky. Hundreds of people flock in and start a numa mosh pit. Lights flash everywhere and Sora body surfs.

Donald: WE NEED YOU TO COME WITH US!

(Music comes to a halt and people walk out)

Sora: Hey….HEY! DON'T STOP THE PARTY! PLEASE! GODDAMMIT! WTF DO YOU WANT DONALD!

Donald: You're the keyblade master and you need to help us find the king and defeat the heartless!

Sora: Only if I can look for my friends and party….

Donald: Fine…..

Sora: OK! LET'S GOOOOO TO A RAVE!

(Sora pulls Donald and Goofy to a Rave. They walk in to find Yuffie and Leon there too. The music is blasting and everyone is either high or drunk)

Leon: SORA COME AND DANCE UNDER THE SEISURE ENDUCEING FLASHING LIGHTS!

Sora: OKEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

(Everyone dancing except Donald and Goofy who wait impatiently)

(DJ Ansem starches the record while doing hip-hop moves)

DJ Ansem: YO! WHATZ HAPP'IN TRAVERSE TOWN? I got some tripping groves to play tonight. So give me a YEAH!

Sora, Leon, Yuffie: YEAH!

(trance techno version of simple and clean plays and people mosh)

(Sora gets in dance cage. And sings)

Sora: "YOU'RE GIV'IN MEEEEEEE! TO MANY THINGS, LATELY! YOU'RE ALL I NEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDD! YOU SMILED AT ME! AND SAID!

(Sora continues singing)

Sora: WHEN YOU WALK AWAY, YOU DON'T HERE ME SAY. PLEASEEEEEEE! OH BABYYYYY DON'T GO. SIMPLE AND CLEAN IS THE WAY THAT YOU'RE MAKE' N ME FEEL TONIGHT. IT'S HARD TO LET IT GO!

(Sora jumps off the cage onto random table and breaks it in half. People cheer at the broken table. Sora gets up and waves hands around while running )

Sora: THAT WAS HAMMER TIME LADIES!

(Crashes on floor and passes out.)

(Next Morning)

Sora: Ah….What a great night….

Donald: We have to leave now!

Goofy: We're gonna use the Gummy Ship!

Sora: ZOMG! I WANNA EAT IT!

Donald: IT'S NOT EDIBLE!

Sora. Awwww…..

NEXT TIME: WONDERLAND!


	12. Kingdom Hearts DS special: Character Bio

Sora

Age: 14

Sora is a happy go-lucky kid who

Likes to attended local raves and

party. Innocent by nature, he has

a tendency to fix things with out any

thought. Usually by some random

accident. Since he is the keyblade

master, he has advantage over other

boys his age and some men due

to his "size."

Riku

Age:15

Riku may seem calm and collected,

but he has a fiery passion for one th-

ing, and that's humping pine trees.

Riku likes to party also, but he tends

to be more sexual at them unlike Sora.

Sora can be easily coaxed by Riku such

as convincing him to make a gay sex tape.

Kairi

Age: 14

Kairi has a strong will.

A strong will to be a whore that is.

Kairi is a sex fiend who will do anything

anyone anywhere! Like tying up Sora

and doing all kinds of shit. She is a

woe with a strong will which makes her

a terrible enemy to the sanity of Sora and Riku's

relationship.


	13. Kingdom Hearts DS special: the sex tape

ShadowgoddessFFU: I have gotten numerous e-mails concerning the "gay sex tape" from Chapter 9.

Sora: A gay sex tape?

Riku: Sorry but I like yuri more than yaoi.

ShadowgoddessFFU: TOO BAD! (gets out label machine)

Sora: RUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

(Throws label machine at Sora and Riku)

ShadowgoddessFFU: HA HA HA! I HAVE LABEL SORA AS UKE! AND RIKU AS SEME! NOW SORA WILL BE AT THE BOTTOM AND RIKU ON TOP! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

LOT'S 'O LEMONS IN THIS CHAPTER FOLKS!

KINGDOM HEARTS DELETED SCENES SPECIAL CHAPTER

Sora: I'm so bored! Kairi's doing another week of camping on the island with her adventure P.E. class. While we're stuck here on the mainland with nothing to do.

Riku: Wanna go to the new club they have at town. I hear there's going to be a rave!

Sora: Cool! Let's go!

Riku: Good, my parents are on a trip to the other side of the mainland so no supervision!

(Sora and Riku walk into club. Music is blasting)

Sora: Wanna get a drink? What you want?

Riku: Paopu flavored soda.

Sora: Okei!

(Sora walks to bar)

Sora: Two Paopu flavored sodas please.

Bartender: Yall be careful tonight. Ecstasy is really bad at these kinda places. Don't set your drink down.

Sora: I'll take those words to heart. Thank you!

(walks up to Riku.)

Sora: The bartender told me the Ecstasy is really bad here. So don't let go of your drink.

Riku: Got it. (fumbles hand in pocket)

Riku: Hey Sora, If you get tired of caring your drink around, I can look after it for you.

Sora: Ok. With you watching my drink, nothing could happen. Besides you would beat them to a pulp.

Riku: Yeah….Anyway, lets go on the dance floor and find some girls to dance with.

Sora: But…

Riku: Don't worry, I won't tell Kairi.

Sora: Fine deal. But really, don't you dare tell Kairi.

(Sora and Riku dance with some girls.)

Sora: Hey, Riku. Could you hold on to my drink?

Riku: Sure. (grabs it)

(Sora looks away as two girls grind on him. Riku turns around and slips a shot of ecstasy in Sora's drink. Just then. Selphie walks in the club.)

Riku: SHIT! Sora! Selphie's here! We gotta run!

Sora: Aw. I was starting to like this. (Riku pulls Sora out backdoor)

(Riku and Sora run down street towards Riku's house)

Riku: Shit. That was a close one. You gonna finish you drink Sora?

Sora: Hell yah! I'm dieing of thirst!

(Sora drinks it. A smirk comes across Riku's face)

Sora: Why you smiling?

Riku: Ah. Just thinking how much fun we had with those girls.

Sora: Yeah. It was fun.

Riku: You can stay the night at my house if you want.

Sora: I'll have to call my mom and let her now first.

Riku: Whatever it will take….

(Later that night)

Sora: Riku everything feels soft and fuzzy! Heh heh!

(Riku crawls closer to him on the couch with a video camera.)

Riku: Sora, I need you to do some poses for me. I'll set up the camera over here on the tripod and join you.

(Riku sets up camera and gets into the picture.)

Sora: It feels like my whole body is warming up. I need to take off these things on my body….(takes off shirt)

Riku: Yes…very good Sora.

(Riku puts collar with ring on Sora and attaches chain to it.)

LEMONS LEMONS LEMONS LEMONS LEMONS LEMONS LEMONS 

Riku: Purr for me, my tiger.

Sora: Purr purr…purr.

Riku: Your turning me on right now.

Sora: My pants are feeling really tight and warm! I want them off! Ehehehehe!

Riku: That will have to wait…First I must play with you.

(Riku licks Sora's stomach.)

Sora: Riku….That tickles. My pants are getting too tight! I WANT THEM OFF!

Riku: I let you suffer. I want to hear you moan for it!

(Riku straddles Sora and puts his nose up to Sora's)

Riku: I've always wanted you like this. Weak and moaning for my pleasure!

(Riku kisses him. Then proceeds to slip is tongue into Sora's mouth.)

Sora: PLEASE! I CAN'T STAND IT. TAKE THEM OFF!

(Riku forcefully grabs Sora's chin.)

Riku: No…I need more playtime.

(Riku forcefully kisses Sora. Riku's hands caress Sora's chest and moves down his body. Sora moans as Riku's tongue trashes in his mouth. The red camera light flashes.)

Sora: STOP IT! TAKE OFF MY PANTS! I CANT STAND IT!

(A bulge forms on Sora's pants. Riku's eyes fill with bliss.)

Riku: Just what I wanted from you Sora. Just a little longer, and you'll get what you want…

(Riku slides his hand under Sora's belt into his pants, grabbing Sora's enlarged flesh. Sora flinched as Riku stroked it.)

Sora: I can't stand it anymore…just make it happen…

(Riku pulls down Sora's pants and flips him over on the couch. Riku takes the chain and forcefully taught it tight so Sora's head is bent back.)

Riku: Who's the big strong hunter…

Sora: YOU ARE! Just do it…please…

Riku: As you wish my little tiger…

(Riku pulls the chain tight and Sora clenches his teeth.)

Sora: Don't do it too hard…

Riku: Don't worry, I will!

(Riku straddles Sora from behind. He reaches around and grabs Sora's erected flesh and strokes it. Sora lets out a gasp as Riku bites the back of his neck.)

Sora: I'm…I'm going to!

(Just then Riku pulls the chain as tight as he can. Sora lets out a long moan as Riku pull out. Sora lies on the couch, quivering and sweaty.)

Riku: I guess it's time to end this adventure.

(Riku goes to the camera and turns off the record button.)

Riku: Crap…I need to clean off the couch now…(picks of Sora and puts him in Riku's bed.)

(Morning. Riku and Sora wake up together in bed.)

Sora: Where am I? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Sora falls out of bed)

Sora: WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN YOUR BED NAKED!

Riku: Good morning Tiger. I gave you a hit of X so we can make a sex tape.

Sora: WWWHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?

Riku: We can make so much money with it. The two hottest guys on Destiny Islands in a hot, steamy, sex tape. We are going to make a lot of munny. Girls on these islands are almost all fans of yaoi. They will go crazy over this tape. In the mean time, we'll hide it in the secret spot before we make copies of it.

Sora: YOU! TOOK MY VIRGINITY! But I do wanna make money and be a gay porn star. Just don't show it to Kairi.

Riku: You got it! Wanna watch it?

Sora: Ok…sure…

(Sora and Riku watch it)

Sora: OMG! THIS IS ONE SEXY TAPE!

Riku: Can't wait to get it copied and sold around the islands!

END OF KINGDOM HEARTS DELETED SCENES SPECIAL…..


End file.
